When ‘it’s over’ comes too soon

The Separation Coach - Sarah Cole

Discover our Top 3 tips for picking up the pieces and starting again when your relationship ends unexpectedly.

An unexpected end to a relationship can stop you in your tracks, but it’s possible to start again – even when you feel like you’ve lost hope. While both parties usually know when something is wrong, suddenly being told “it’s over” can feel as though the rug has been pulled out from under you. Conquer overwhelm by slowing everything down, keeping things offline and getting organised to restore your capacity for clear thinking. It involves being proactive rather than reactive, helping you to regain control where possible and let go of everything else.

1. Slow everything down

Take a breath and stop as frequently as you can. Switch off the phone, shut yourself away and let yourself calm right down. When you’re relaxed, it’s easier to tackle the many tasks in front of you. Start by making lists – lots of them. Write down your concerns, fears, expectations and options as you see them at this moment. It’s not a time to be unsupported, so research the professionals you’ll need in your team and engage them as soon as possible. When you know that you’re not alone, it’s easier to work through the process calmly and consistently.

2. Keep it offline, all the time

Fight the urge to play out the end of your relationship on social media, because the digital imprint from your posts will be there forever. If you have children, they’re of a generation where social media is everything and one day, they will see what you wrote about the other parent. It’s not a comfortable situation for anyone. Instead, get your feelings off your chest with your divorce coach or therapist, trusted family and friends. Getting trapped in a situation where there’s one against another doesn’t help you to move forward at all.

3. Get organised for the process

Gather your personal documents, then make contact with the professional team required to help sort through your finances, property and parenting arrangements. While trusted friends and family are integral for emotional support, it’s essential to engage experts to help you make informed decisions based on fact rather than opinion. Make a plan about what you’d like to see happen with a final settlement, then look at where you may be prepared to negotiate. By addressing your needs head on, you’ll be better placed to ensure they are met.

When a relationship ends, it’s natural to feel scared for the future and as though you have no idea where to start – but it doesn’t have to be that way. You don’t need to be swept up in making fast decisions before you’re ready. Then, by keeping what’s happening to a small number of trusted friends, family and advisors you’re minimising the risks of further pain for yourself and loved ones. Finally the more you’re prepared, the more likely you’ll achieve the best outcome to help you move forward and start again.

Contact My Divorce Coach Australia today 5721 4162 for your obligation-free first appointment. We transform your experience into one of dignity and respect by providing a confidential service in a space of trust and support. We offer divorce coaching, general counselling, psychotherapy and hypnotherapy, tailoring our services to best meet your needs.